I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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