what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
