Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
