that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
