Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We left the knife in your bed.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
