I want to have your abortion
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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