Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
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Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
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his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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