So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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