After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
NoShamevember. You game?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
