No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
