It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
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We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
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I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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