my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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