I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize