I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
