the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
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