u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
