i jhust puked up my retainher.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
