I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
