Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
