no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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