New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize