New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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