I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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