Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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