This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
