oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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