the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
