Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
