Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did angry sex become our thing?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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