you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
