I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
