Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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