it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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