Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
