And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
