The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.