it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Church boner. Awkwardddd
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!