ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
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Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
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pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.