Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
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Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
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Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.