Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you

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(978): There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you http://tfl.nu/oh5b

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(419): View more from Ohio

Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.

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(419): Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them. http://tfl.nu/vhc8

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(732): View more from New Jersey

i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed

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(732): i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed http://tfl.nu/l1mh

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(714): View more from California

Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me

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(714): Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me http://tfl.nu/5ujc

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(410): View more from Maryland

i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv

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(410): i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv http://tfl.nu/8yma

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(518): View more from New York

Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.

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(518): Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy. http://tfl.nu/8m2c

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(910): View more from North Carolina

So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?

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(910): So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal? http://tfl.nu/acjy

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(480): View more from Arizona

I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.

(602): View more from Arizona

you slept with him again didn't you

(480): View more from Arizona

you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well

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(480): I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'. (602): you slept with him again didn't you (480): you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well http://tfl.nu/dyfs

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(425): View more from Washington

the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power

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(425): the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power http://tfl.nu/ghbk

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(607): View more from New York

Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.

(845): View more from New York

Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.

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(607): Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up. (845): Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity. http://tfl.nu/u2xk

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high

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(610): he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high http://tfl.nu/1b4w

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(919): View more from North Carolina

DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???

(1-919): View more from North Carolina

Oh God.

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(919): DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT??? (1-919): Oh God. http://tfl.nu/z02g

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(619): View more from California

Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it

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(619): Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it http://tfl.nu/st9u

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon

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(860): I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon http://tfl.nu/xq47

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night

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(306): I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night http://tfl.nu/ov8q

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