Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party