he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".