I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
