Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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