The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Randomize
