Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
