The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many fucks given?
0.12846
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
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