Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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