john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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