you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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