I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
