Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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