that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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