The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
