i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
