Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
