My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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