Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
