And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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