yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
