I just pynch a tree in the face
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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