census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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