Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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